Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Autism is a complex neurodevelopmental condition that affects millions of people worldwide.
It is characterized by difficulties in social interaction, communication, and repetitive behaviors.
Although autism is becoming more widely recognized, there is still a lack of understanding and awareness surrounding the condition.
As a result, many individuals and families affected by autism struggle to find the support and resources they need.
Why Not Me The World podcast aims to bridge that gap by providing valuable information and insights into autism, fostering empathy and understanding, and promoting acceptance and inclusion.
Nashville based Music Producer Tony Mantor explores the remarkable impact his guests make by empowering their voices in spreading awareness about autism and helping break down the barriers of understanding.
Join Mantor and his guests as they delve into the world of autism and mental health to explore topics such as diagnosis, treatment, research, and personal stories.
Together, we can create a more informed and compassionate society for individuals with autism.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight
Lady Miranda shares her journey as an autistic artist navigating the music industry while managing sensory overload and performance challenges. Through her experiences, she emphasizes the importance of understanding and acceptance of neurodiversity in society.
• Being an autistic artist comes with unique challenges
• Travel can induce sensory overload and anxiety
• Performance preparation is crucial for managing stage anxiety
• Meltdowns can occur due to stress or overstimulation
• Late diagnosis in adulthood is common in women
• Family support often lacks understanding of autism
• Advocacy for changing societal perceptions of autism
• Future aspirations include education and workforce inclusivity initiatives
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intro/outro music bed written by T. Wild
Why Not Me the World music published by Mantor Music (BMI)
Welcome to why Not Me, the World Podcast, hosted by Tony Mantor, broadcasting from Music City, usa, nashville, tennessee. Join us as our guests tell us their stories. Some will make you laugh, some will make you cry. Their stories Some will make you laugh, some will make you cry. Real life people who will inspire and show that you are not alone in this world. Hopefully, you gain more awareness, acceptance and a better understanding for autism around the world. Hi, I'm Tony Mantor. Welcome to why Not Me the World. Today, I have the pleasure of hosting Lady Miranda, a multi-award winning singer-songwriter who excels in multiple genres. She is dedicated to fostering a positive and inclusive music community. Additionally, she shares her insights on autism and her personal journey as an autistic singer. Thanks for coming on.
Speaker 2:Sure.
Speaker 1:Tell me a little bit about yourself and what you're doing now.
Speaker 2:I'm a multi-genre artist. I've won multiple music awards. I write my own music, I write the lyrics. I'm working on a new album right now, so that should be coming out early next year. I'm excited about that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's great. It's always nice to have new music coming out when you're performing and recording. Do you prefer any particular style?
Speaker 2:I do a pretty varied amount. I tend to like to mix genres.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right. What's your performance schedule look like overall.
Speaker 2:I didn't go on the road as much this year because I took some time to travel through Europe. I just got back December, maybe three weeks ago.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, that's nice.
Speaker 2:Two or three weeks ago. I'm still adjusting to being back in this time zone.
Speaker 1:I understand that completely. I've done that many times With you performing and traveling. You're autistic. How does that affect you when you're traveling in varied places around the world?
Speaker 2:yeah, everything bothers me. No, I'm sensory issues. When you're navigating the airport, it gets really crowded, depending on whether or not you're familiar with the airport. I can get overwhelmed just trying to figure out where I'm at, where I'm going. Sometimes people are helpful, sometimes they're not, but depending on your timing, you don't always have a lot of time to get additional help, and so that's a challenge. Unless you need a wheelchair, they don't really meet you at your gator, at the desk or help guide you. I always make sure that I'm there at least two hours ahead of time so I have time to find where I'm supposed to go and then can settle in from there.
Speaker 1:I can just imagine. The airport has overwhelmed me several times. So when you're performing, how does that affect you? You have the audience there, a lot of outside interference and people getting ready for all that, for the show and everything. How do you handle that?
Speaker 2:I think before I'm going to go on, I have to mentally prepare myself. I probably don't socialize as much Not that being autistic we socialize a lot to begin with, but I probably even more so keep to myself prior to performing and then again afterward. Keep to myself prior to performing and then again afterward, just because, even though I've performed before and I'm used to doing my songs and getting up in front of people, I still get like that, a little bit of sensory overload and I have to bring myself back down from that. So a lot of times I'll leave the room and get some air or make a bathroom trip. I have to do things beforehand to make sure that I'm not going to stress out about something. I have to make sure I've eaten and had water, because my brain will start to freak out about the smallest things if I haven't taken care of myself, and so it just requires additional steps to make sure that I've done everything that I need to do as far as my basic needs, so that when I'm performing I'm not thinking about that.
Speaker 1:I get that. What are some of the small things that can build up that could affect you before the show?
Speaker 2:Too many people trying to talk to me. I've gotten used to it because, being in the music industry, you get used to talking to other musicians and people but sometimes you constantly get stopped. A lot of people don't realize that all those little interactions take more mental space. For me, sometimes that can give me additional anxiety because I'm trying to be sociable but at the same time I need to be ready to perform sociable but at the same time I need to be ready to perform. So it's really a fine balance. It's nice when I can go somewhere where there's a back room or something that I can go into beforehand and be by myself, where other people can't find me Not to sound mean, because I like people, but it can be a lot.
Speaker 1:Sure, I understand that. A lot of hustle and bustle going on before a show. Now do you have a band or do you perform solo?
Speaker 2:I'm a solo artist, so I normally perform with my tracks. I have performed with live bands locally before, I've done some guest performances and I've done the live band scene before I started working on my solo career, so I am used to that scene as well. It's a little bit more sensory overload for me with a live band, but I have done it.
Speaker 1:Okay, when you're on stage and you're doing a live thing, you've got three or four musicians with you. What goes through your mind? You're listening to the sound, you listen to the band, you're trying to make sure that everything's just right because you're trying to get your music out there for people to hear. What goes through your mind during that process and how do you contain it so you can put out the music that you know you can do and you can be proud of?
Speaker 2:I have to really block out a lot of things around me. So provided that the people playing the instruments are on key, because if they're off key that does something to my brain and throws me off. So it's really important that everybody's in tune. But I have to block out everything else Because I love music so much I can listen to the music and block everything else out to where I almost lose track that there's even an audience.
Speaker 2:I've learned how to look to the back of the room so that it looks like I'm looking out at the audience, but I'm really not looking at anything in particular, except the wall maybe, and just focusing on spots where the lights aren't directly hitting me in the eyes. It does take a lot. I've had to learn a lot of tricks over time how to block out different things. I probably don't move around on stage as much with a live band just because I'm more focused on the live music and blocking out the other distractions. It's harder for me to multitask at that point, singing and moving across the whole distractions. It's harder for me to multitask at that point, singing and moving across the whole stage. So I tend to stay in one spot a bit more with a live band, so there's a lot of adjustments I have to make.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a very, very good plan and the main thing is it works for you. What about after the show? You've got the fans coming up to you. They want pictures, they want autographs. That can be very hectic as well.
Speaker 2:It is, and I think that's why, right after a performance, I tend to take a little break and I need to go somewhere that's more quiet, usually outside or the bathroom, and take a few minutes to decompress. And then, of course, after performances or shows like that, I pretty much I don't go to a lot of after parties. If I do, is for a very short period of time, and then I get to a point where I'm like get me out of here. I've gone to some of the award shows where I'll go to the after party and I'll get to the point where I'm like okay, get me out of here, I will leave before anybody even knows I'm gone and I just disappear.
Speaker 1:I totally get that. I've been to a lot of after parties and I'm with you as soon as I can get out. I do.
Speaker 2:I don't mean to be rude by not saying goodbye, but I'd rather get out faster than risk having a meltdown because I'm too overstimulated.
Speaker 1:Yes, I totally get that, completely. I'm glad you brought that up. What do your meltdowns look like now? You've gone through them, you've aged with them. Do you know they're coming? Can you feel them coming on?
Speaker 2:I can tell when they're coming on, depending on the situation. Sometimes you can get yourself away from them and sometimes you can't. It really just depends. As far as music is concerned, usually I can be like you know what? I gotta go and just take off, because a lot of people don't understand what goes on behind a meltdown and they often take it as like I'm having some weird overreaction and it's not really something I can control, and so I'll start to feel this buildup of anxiety. My meltdowns usually look like me panicking. I tend to, I think, sound like I'm getting a little hysterical or like I'm raising my voice, I cry. So when I get in full-blown meltdown mode, I cry. So if the tears are coming out, it's too late. I'm already past that threshold. We're not getting better from there.
Speaker 1:I've talked with a lot of people that tell me that most meltdowns last 15, 20, 30 minutes. How does yours work and how long does it take before you're back to feeling better about yourself again?
Speaker 2:I think that really depends. I know that something that can help when you're having a meltdown is having supportive people around you or a supportive environment. If people understand that you're autistic and something is triggering you, having someone help calm you down is helpful. When you don't have that, it takes longer because you have to pull yourself out of the meltdown enough to self-soothe, which is tricky. People talk a lot about depression and how a lot of times people can't help themselves out of depression. It works the same way. It's really hard to help yourself out of a meltdown, Depending on if you keep having triggers come at you while you're having a meltdown. That can prolong the meltdown. So it varies depending on the situation. If I'm able to leave once my meltdown starts, I calm down much faster, obviously.
Speaker 1:Okay, that sure makes sense. How old was you when you was diagnosed autistic?
Speaker 2:I was actually diagnosed late in life as an adult, which is actually very common for women. We present differently and since we don't present the way boys do, there's not good criteria for diagnosing females Right now. The criteria is more male-focused, based off of the signs that they show. There's a lot more research out now about females. I was an adult and it was a very extenuating testing experience.
Speaker 1:Okay, that makes sense, and you're right about the females. They do mask a lot more than the males. What led you to get a diagnosis?
Speaker 2:It was recommended to me by a group of psychologists because, even though I've been able to work in the same area for many years, staying in one position, you build up a lot of anxiety. Going to work I would get so extremely bored. I'd want to cry like physically cry. I was also having some depth perception issues. I went to speak to someone about it and they asked me a lot of questions. They asked if I would be willing to do this lengthy questionnaire interview process. It was recommended by a team of psychologists that I get tested or evaluated for autism. I do have other autistic relatives. My nephew is autistic but he got diagnosed when he was young. The boys again present more obvious than girls.
Speaker 1:Sure, Now, when you got your diagnosis back confirmed you were autistic, what went through your mind?
Speaker 2:I wasn't really surprised. I think it made a lot of things make sense and when I look back at my childhood, things that I got in trouble for were signs that I was autistic Because I was a smart kid. I was a gifted child that masked the fact that I was autistic even more because people just assumed I was just this really smart kid. They didn't really factor in that there was something else going on and I feel like I really didn't have the childhood that would have supported that. Back then nobody really talked about being autistic, nobody really knew about how it presented in girls, and it made a lot of things make sense. And then, of course, it meant that I had a long road ahead of me of learning how to not mask so much and how to be myself and how to manage all the things that were difficult for me, that I didn't really know why before, and now I do.
Speaker 1:That makes sense. I spoke with a lady. She didn't get diagnosed until before, and now I do. That makes sense. I spoke with a lady. She didn't get diagnosed until she was in her late 40s. Then, when she did same as you, she looked back and everything made total sense to her.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:She's a musician such as yourself. She does a one-woman show. She told me that once she had figured it out, once she got it all together, that the next 10 years were the best, most productive years she'd had. As it turned out, it was the best thing that she ever did by getting diagnosed, because it changed her life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was diagnosed in my 30s and in a lot of ways it has made some areas of my life easier to understand. I think the hard part now is getting other people to understand, and that's always the challenge, because people have this strange misconception that I can learn to be different and I don't have that skill set.
Speaker 1:I spoke with another guy over in England. He's six foot one, 225 pounds, looks fit. He says that when he tells people that he's autistic, they don't believe him. He made a great analogy. He said if I told them that I had cancer, they wouldn't question it. But yet I tell them something very personal like this about his autism and they still don't believe it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I get that all the time. I go oh you don't look autistic, and or you don't seem autistic and I'm like what is that supposed to look like?
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:And the misconception, because there's different levels of autism and I'm considered high functioning. The misconception is that because I'm high functioning, that I should just be able to navigate the world, as is High function is a misrepresentation. I'm high functioning in some areas, sure, but in other areas not so much.
Speaker 1:Has it affected your relationships at all through your life?
Speaker 2:Oh, dear God, yes, very much. Relationships are very difficult because communication for autistic people looks very different. I don't know how to read between the lines. I'm terrible at hints, whether it's friendships or romantic relationships or even relationships with my family. I can't navigate them the way people want me to. I have this joke with myself that if you think you're a good communicator, you should talk to an autistic person.
Speaker 1:Yeah, good point. Now you just brought up your family when you did get diagnosed. What was their reaction to it? Did they support you? Did they help you? What was the reaction when you gave them the diagnosis?
Speaker 2:Unfortunately and this is true for a lot of autistic people we don't all have very supportive families, and I've come across a lot of autistic people who do not have supportive families, and I fall in that category. I have one sister who's absolutely great about it, but that's it. And it was hard because there was a debate between my mom and my aunt about where the autism came from, and it was not a good debate. It was more of that oh, it must have come from your side. Oh, no, it had to have come from your side, and it's you guys. I'm not broken, I don't have a disease, I'm just wired differently. And my family had a very difficult time accepting it and I would go as far as to say that they got to a point where they acknowledged it, but there's never been a true acceptance of it. That's really hard and I've had to pull away from my family for my own well-being.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's too bad. I really hate to hear that. Yeah, what about friends? Have you had friends that have stuck by you throughout your whole life, or has that affected that as well?
Speaker 2:I've had some friends that I've had for a long time only recognize that I'm autistic and they don't seem to have an issue with it. The thing I think with friends you know the society we live in right now everybody is so caught up in their own lives that there's not a lot of communication between friends that often anymore, and so people just always figure oh, if they want to talk to me they'll reach out to me, and that's true of most people. But what they don't realize is that as an autistic person it is at least twice as hard, if not three times harder, for us to be doing the ones reaching out all the time. And there'll be times where I will go lengthy periods of time without speaking to certain friends because I get to a point where I can't reach out all the time anymore and they're so caught up in their world that they don't reach out either, and it can be very isolating.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that can be so true, I was talking with a person the other day. You brought it up and it's perfectly stated. Unfortunately, here in the US we are so caught up in everything that we're doing, unless something affects our family or us personally, it's not a crisis, and then, when it does, it is a crisis. Yeah, some of the things that are needed, in my opinion, is for people to understand more about the autistic community, what their needs are, so that everybody can work together to make the world better. So how do you think, as a society, we can get that understanding, to get the neurotypical world, to understand the neurodiverse world, so that we can make it a more inclusive world for everybody involved?
Speaker 2:We need to change the dialogue. So there's a lot of programs and information and therapists and research and whatnot that are geared toward getting the autistic person to either change their behaviors or try to change their thought process or try to help them fit into the neurotypical world. And that's the problem. We don't have that skill set. So, no matter how many programs you develop or how many therapies you develop to try to change us, we can't. The dialogue needs to change.
Speaker 2:Instead of saying, hey, neurodiverse people, let's put you in this program so you can learn how to do X, y and Z, we need to say, hey, neurotypical people, you need to learn how to communicate differently, because socially, neurotypical people have skill sets that we don't have. And it's not to say that neurotypical people can't struggle in social situations. But small example if someone is trying to start a friendly conversation with me or even flirt with me or whatever, I don't know that's happening. People around me have to tell me, but they recognize that it's happening, even though I'm the one that is happening too and I don't recognize it. There is a skill set that people who are not autistic have, where they can pick up on those little things that we can't, rather than let's teach you guys how to fit into the world, we need to teach the world how to fit in with us, how to open up these doors, to make things simpler for us. We need to have grocery stores that have sensory hours, different things like that. The dialogue needs to get reversed.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I think you're definitely spot on. Now, what's on the horizon? You have a CD coming out. What do you see in the next three to five years for you?
Speaker 2:That's something I've really been trying to dig into. I think doing my traveling through Europe was actually very eye-opening, because they look at disability very different than we do in the States not necessarily in a better way, mind you. I had a lot of struggles traveling in Europe, but I've been trying to dig more into that because, as a musician, obviously right now I'm trying to figure out how can I grow my audience with my limited social abilities, because posting on social media for me, for most musicians, that's something they do normally on a regular basis. I struggle with that.
Speaker 1:I get that Social media can be so complex and hard to deal with.
Speaker 2:But I'm not any more wealthy than anyone else to where I can afford all these promotional services, and so that's always the challenge is how can I grow my music and my brand without being able to post on social media regularly? And so I feel like I've been looking for ways to find more support within the community, because if I can't do stuff like that, then someone like me is going to need help to do stuff like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you have to create your own network and hopefully get them to help you. It's tough.
Speaker 2:I've also been looking at ways that I can get involved in helping the workforce environment change to where it's more inclusive of neurodiverse people.
Speaker 1:That's a great area to help, because that is so needed for the autistic community for sure.
Speaker 2:I've been trying to start some conversations with folks that do stuff like that in the UK. I've been trying to look into more programs and organizations. I'm back in school to get my master's degree in philosophy because I feel like part of my job is to help educate others.
Speaker 1:That's just so good. Education, understanding and helping others is really a good way to go.
Speaker 2:Unfortunately in this country you can't do that without a master's degree. It's hard because you don't always know where to start and there's not always that supportive community around you either.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I definitely understand what you're saying about Europe. I've spoken with many people from around the world on my podcast and it's amazing how different countries look at autism and in some cases, they don't look at it. It's tough for a lot of people, unfortunately. I had a lady that just reached out to me from Bulgaria. Her niece and her autistic son moved from Bulgaria to different parts of Europe and then ultimately wound up in Belgium. She sent a message to me on Instagram telling me of her journey from Bulgaria to Belgium. The travels that she had and the experiences she had was told to me of how the European countries look at autism, and some were night and day difference.
Speaker 2:I can imagine. Yeah, I had quite an experience, even going from, like, finland to Poland, and that's not even that far between as far as countries. But I travel with a service dog who, unfortunately, is gonna need to retire at the end of next year, but there were airlines that wouldn't allow her on because, unless you're blind or deaf a service dog who, unfortunately, is going to need to retire at the end of next year but there were airlines that wouldn't allow her on because, unless you're blind or deaf, they don't consider you disabled enough to need your service dog and they don't understand. The only reason I don't freak out navigating through the airport is because I have her there with me. So, yeah, it was a big challenge.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm sure it was, but the main thing is that you did get through it. Man, this has been really great. I really appreciate you coming on.
Speaker 2:I appreciate you having me giving me the opportunity to talk about it.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's my pleasure. It's been a great conversation. I really appreciate it. Thanks again. Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to listen to our show today. We hope that you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed bringing it to you. If you know anyone that would like to tell us their story, send them to TonyMantorcom Contact then they can give us their information so one day they may be a guest on our show. One more thing we ask tell everyone everywhere about why Not Me, the world, the conversations we're having and the inspiration our guests give to everyone everywhere that you are not alone in this world.