Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World

Dr. Tina J. Ramsey: Transforming Challenges into Advocacy – Navigating Autism with Resilience and Community Support

• Tony Mantor

Share episode

Send us a text

Dr. Tina J Ramsey shares her profound journey of navigating autism with her son, emphasizing the essential role of empathy, advocacy, and communication. Her insights encourage parents to support their children with understanding, while providing valuable resources for navigating adulthood. 
• Discusses personal experiences and emotions surrounding autism diagnosis 
• Emphasizes the importance of communication for children on the spectrum 
• Shares challenges faced in traditional schooling and the decision to homeschool 
• Explores bullying and the impact on emotional well-being 
• Highlights the significance of understanding during puberty and teenage years 
• Advocates for community support for parents of autistic children 
• Provides insights into resources available for young adults transitioning to independence 
• Encourages self-advocacy and asking questions about available services

https://tonymantor.com
https://Facebook.com/tonymantor
https://instagram.com/tonymantor
https://twitter.com/tonymantor
https://youtube.com/tonymantormusic
intro/outro music bed written by T. Wild
Why Not Me the World music published by Mantor Music (BMI)

Speaker 1:

Welcome to why Not Me, the World Podcast, hosted by Tony Mantor, broadcasting from Music City, usa, nashville, tennessee. Join us as our guests tell us their stories. Some will make you laugh, some will make you cry. Their stories Some will make you laugh, some will make you cry. Real life people who will inspire and show that you are not alone in this world. Hopefully, you gain more awareness, acceptance and a better understanding for autism Around the World. Hi, I'm Tony Mantor. Welcome to why Not Me? The World. Today we have the privilege of hosting Dr Tina J Ramsey, who has an incredible story and journey to share. As a respected author, podcaster and TV show host, she has accomplished a great deal. Most notably, she is here to discuss her personal experience with her autistic son. It's an honor to have her on our show. How are you doing today?

Speaker 2:

It's going pretty good. No need to complain.

Speaker 1:

Well, even if we did complain, it's not going to do us any good. Anyways, I appreciate you coming on If you would tell us how you became an advocate for autism.

Speaker 2:

Well, as far back as I can remember, I always loved to be a voice for the voiceless, so my mom and dad used to have me doing a lot of volunteer work when I was younger, so I kind of carried on in my adult years. I was younger, so I kind of carried on in my adult years and I just loved the special. I don't really like to say special needs, I like to say learning, differences, community. So I went to school because I really wanted to be a childcare provider. That's what I wanted to go to school for. But once I went to college I changed my mind and I said I want to do childhood development with the specialty of special needs and you know, learning, psychology and sociology and all that good stuff like that. And so that's what I ended up going to school for and I just love, love, working with the community and so that's how it initially started. Yeah, that's how it initially started, and I guess I'll tell you a little bit about how my life changed a little bit.

Speaker 1:

You say that your life changed. How did it impact you?

Speaker 2:

Okay. So it impacted me in the way that I saw that it was a breakdown of communication between the parents and the administrators and the child with their parents, and then the parents, I mean, and then the child with the teachers and mostly in the community where I work, which would be children, that's on the autism spectrum, that had various different learning, I would say disabilities I really don't like the terminology. I love learning differences because I just feel like it's just a different way of learning. And so what basically happened? That's how I got into it and that's how it started changing. And so when I saw that I was kind of like a liaison because even though I had a nonverbal child, but yet I was able to understand the nonverbal communication that can be understood as being aggressive, not wanting to listen, it was just something that I could read it right. And I was like no, they just say they hungry. No, they just say that they don't like that. The know, the sound is too loud, you know.

Speaker 2:

And so I was that person that the individual would come to. The children felt very comfortable with me, I could calm the children down and I just realized that I found my way through the eyes of these beautiful children and I was just honored that. Number one they trusted me. Number two I was able to bridge that gap. Number three I just love seeing their little eyes light up when they are able to do something new, because you figured out the way that they learn. And I'm just thinking about it now. The children that many of the teachers like, oh, they're just a lost cause. I'm like no, there's no children that's a lost cause. Seeing them do things for the first time, building up their confidence, I just love it. Yeah, and so that's when I saw I could actually make an impact on my job. You know, when I used to work in a public school system.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's so rewarding Now did you say that you have a child that's nonverbal? I did not have a child that is nonverbal in the beginning, so this is a little interesting. In the beginning my child was that child that was hitting all the milestones that you're supposed to hit.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

This is the controversial part. My child, at 18 months, got the 18 month old shots and my whole world changed. My son was literally walking. He was babbling at two months, he was walking by six months and when he got right about that 18 month old shot, he took all the shots and he started running a fever. And when he ran the fever he changed. The light behind his eyes went dim, he started hitting himself, screaming, not talking anymore, could not walk. Everything just totally changed after these shots. So mine is a little bit different, because it wasn't always that way. It just changed after he got those 18-month-old shots.

Speaker 2:

And so here I am, a mother that did all the right things according to the books, and then now I don't know what to do. And then I'm faced with the dilemma of even though I had all this experience, I must admit it was very hard for me to accept that my child could have a learning difference. It was very, very difficult. I went through denial, I went through anger, I went through disbelief. I tell people it was very hard being on the other side, even though I worked with parents 24-7, even though I helped so many families.

Speaker 2:

But now it was me and I had a very, very difficult time adjusting because it flipped my whole world inside out and it was something that I didn't prepare for. I never even thought that this could be me right, even though I had all these people, you know. I was like, why me, you know? So it was a little difficult. So he was nonverbal from the age of after the 18 month all the way up to about three and a half years old, and then he wasn't talking that much. Then it was maybe we taught him some sign language. You know the go to the bathroom, you know different little things, so we will know. But he didn't really start talking until he was maybe five, six years old.

Speaker 1:

How old is he now?

Speaker 2:

Well, now he's 18.

Speaker 1:

Oh, ok, now that we know that he's 18, what did his formative years look like? He was nonverbal at five. Now, at 18, he is. How did he get through his teen years and evolve to what he is today?

Speaker 2:

Well, it was very difficult because in the beginning my children was in public school. I have a daughter that is older. My son is the baby being that he had, you know, a different way of communicating. He really got bullied a lot. My son also had what they call in school medical sensitive. It's just another word of saying your child stays sick all the time, low immune system. So we had to deal with him being on different medications, being asthmatic, and then some of the medicine and steroids would interact with his behavior. It was just a lot of different things. That kind of like had us in a whirlwind Due to that and then he's taken from what they call normal class and put into a controlled environment where everybody know. It just kind of like shifted dynamic and he was bullied a lot. He was very sad. He was that child that wanted to have a lot of friends.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's really tough to take. Now you got him through up to the 18. Neurotypical kids have a tough time during the teens with the hormones raging and all the different things that's happening, so it's even tougher a lot of times on kids that are neurodivergent. How did your son handle that time in his life?

Speaker 2:

Well, I would say this we because, like I said, he was in public school for a while and then, around about second grade, we took him out and we homeschooled both of our children. Now he wasn't getting bullied every single day at school, but we had to get used to now homeschooling making sure he still has socialization, making sure he could still get the training and stuff. Now we had him in homeschool co-ops and everything like that. Dealing with the teen years, I would say, is very interesting, because what I tell parents is the child that you have when your child is before puberty is not the same child once they hit puberty.

Speaker 2:

So what worked then with education and all the different things that we did, even with things that he liked? It was like I had a completely different child, okay, and I was like what am I going to do? And now puberty. And so for us it was difficult in the beginning, but once we learned his life and I had to sit down with him and have conversations with him about, okay, puberty, how are you feeling? I put him in this class. That actually helped you be able to express yourself socially, even though I taught him, but I want him to learn from somebody else to build up his communication skills, and then I put him in situations where he had to communicate with other people and it helped out a lot and I also made him very comfortable with it's OK not to be a people pleaser. It's very difficult, even as for an adult, and so I'm happy to say that overall, it started off bumpy, but it ended up we're calm, we're in the calm, we're 18. We're in the calm now.

Speaker 1:

Well, that's really good to hear Now that he's 18, is he going to college? What's his life look like now?

Speaker 2:

Well, he was so happy that he made it through high school. He was like, listen, college is not for me unless quote, I quote like he does, it's teaching me something that I need to do in order to work the job that I want to work. So for us what I did? Because many parents don't realize that when your child falls into what the state calls special needs category, they have different things like vocational rehab and different other services that you can put your child in and they will provide them with a career coach to be able to help them with resume building, emotions, working with other people. They have smaller size workplaces so they put them in real work environments and teach how to work with people. So that was our next step.

Speaker 2:

So my son is actually working and had a career coach.

Speaker 2:

And then they work with you and then they work with you to the point where they put you in a real life job.

Speaker 2:

So it's like simulated work, but then they get you. Once you get to the point you pass everything, then they put you in real, a real job. So it's like simulated work, but then they get you once you get to the point you pass everything, then they put you in a real job based upon what your interests are. So they ask you what your interests are and then they look around for businesses that will work with the special needs community and I'm saying special needs just because that's what we're talking about, but I really don't like that terminology. They actually will work with your. There are certain jobs that will work with the community and so we found those places that would fit what he liked and we have like a caseworker. We have different people that all works on the case with him and also work with him. So if he does have meltdowns or emotional whatever we have people on call that can actually be able to help and keep him centered with it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's very important. Lots of times parents feel alone and every bit of help they can get is just so important.

Speaker 2:

One of the main things that I hear a lot of parents say what am I going to do once they graduate high school? What am I going to do? Because you feel like, okay, I had all the support while they was in public school or their home school. Now I don't have anything. But that's not true. There are a lot of board of disabilities, different programming that are catered to young adults to help them be independent as possible, even programs to help them find roommates to live by themselves, to be independent. So there's so many things.

Speaker 2:

And if we have it over here in the little town of South Carolina, I know they have it in metropolitan cities and everything like that. So I would tell parents just to reach out and look for the resources available. But right now he's working. And it's funny because I never thought right and it was part of the advocating. I researched, I found out a lot of information. I asked questions to provide him with the best that I could do and also finding people that can do even better than what I could do, and so that was the key and stop being embarrassed because you don't know certain things. It's okay, Ask questions.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely. One of the biggest fears that parents have is when they find out their child is autistic. It's the unknown. They don't know what to expect, they don't know what to do, they don't know who to contact. There are just so many questions. The biggest thing that you said is just so important. Don't be afraid to ask questions because you're advocating for your kid.

Speaker 2:

And they're so nervous because you already feel like you're under a microscope anyway. Sometimes they may feel afraid to even ask for certain help because they don't want to be looked at as a neglectful parent. Then why, oh, you can't afford this, or you can't do that, or why didn't you know this? You know, you know, and so you have all of these worries in your head because you want the best for your child, but then you don't want to ask for help if it means that you're looked upon in a different way or it may put your child in a situation where they may be forcibly removed from your home or all kinds of different things of the stories that we hear that are not typical. Good parents are afraid to ask for help because the only comparison they have is the bad situations of which they are not in.

Speaker 2:

I felt some of those same reservations as well, but not to the point that I didn't do anything. And now I'm one of those parents that can go in and talk on any platform dealing with special needs and I'm pretty much that not only a homeschooling advocate, but a mother with a child with autism advocate Because of all the things. They saw what I did with my child and they were, like, can you come train other parents? And I'm like I didn't like create a blueprint or anything. I mean I can come speak to them. And I mean it's not like I wrote it down like, okay, step one, this is what you do. But yeah, so I'm just, I'm just happy because in my mind and comparing to what you see, this is not supposed to be the situation, and so I'm just grateful for everything.

Speaker 1:

What are some of the things that you do now, not only for those that actually need the help, but for those that really need more understanding?

Speaker 2:

Well, one of the things that I did well myself. I was a mother in a community on social media and then they asked me to come in and co-found the group because I put a lot of information in. At first I said absolutely no, not, no, but then I said I just want to give resources and then later on I said yes, and that's been seven years ago.

Speaker 1:

Wow, that's great. How big has it grown for you, this community?

Speaker 2:

Community of about 24,000 homeschooling parents over the past seven years. Then I started a magazine that actually addresses all the learning styles and actually bring parents to write their stories about their experiences, as well as connected them with companies and resources to help their children and also give them discounts on educational things. Right, so I go and talk to different companies and be like, okay, I have a community, okay, I have people that follow me, I have a podcast, I have a TV show. If you're not going to give me anything, can you at least get them 10, 20% off, 15% off if they use a code, even if I don't get anything, can you do that? Can you do a giveaway? Sure, so I'm like, okay, so, and write blogs.

Speaker 2:

So that's what I have been doing personally in order to, kind of, for the parents that are afraid to ask, for the parents that are a little bit embarrassed to ask. I see the questions or they may reach out to me privately and then I'm like okay, so a lot of parents probably have the same question. I don't put their names, I just make it a question, we answer the question and then I bring people like lawyers to come in and answer those questions of well-being for your child, banking, all the different things that sometimes you don't even know to ask. To be honest with you, you don't even know to ask and so I bring those people. Because it's not just about me, at the end of the day, honest with you, you don't even know to ask and so I bring those people.

Speaker 2:

Because it's not just about me, at the end of the day, it's about everyone that I know or meet that I see that can bring value to this community. So I don't know everything I wish I did, but I don't, and so I just bring people together and like right now, coming on your amazing podcast and sharing my journey because I'm actually sharing more of my journey with you than I ever did before. So I was like it's time to let a little bit more out, you know, just a little bit more, because when I'm in public, on public stages, I share a whole lot, but not interviews. So I was like, okay, I like your spirit, I'm gonna come on and share a little bit more, you know.

Speaker 1:

Well, I really appreciate that. I think you're doing a great thing. So many parents have so many questions that need to be answered. My podcast started just because of that. When I first heard other podcasts out there, they were just so clinical and so sterile. I just imagined if I was a parent just finding out my child is autistic, I would have been more confused than I was before I started. So this podcast is just about information. Just like you're giving, and the fact that you're giving so many people information is just so good. That's what people need. They need the support and I think that's just great that you're doing it. It is just so needed.

Speaker 2:

I 100% agree, and I'm at the place in my life where I went through most of the phases that most parents haven't reached yet, I feel like, with having the experience that I have from having a child go from point one to point two and then to the finish line, because the finish line is at least getting them through high school, of course they can go to college. Oh FYI, this just popped up in my head If your child do want to go to college and because my child has dyslexia, okay, he has all the D's dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia I mean, he has all of them, right, just different levels of it. And so one thing that I would like parents to know is that the law protects your child and also provide resources. So say, for example, your child is dyslexic and they learn better with audio. They have a difficult time comprehending reading. You can actually go to the college and say, hey, my child, he wants or she wants to go to college. They're going to need some assistance just in the curriculum to provide them with audio books or video textbooks. They do provide audio and video textbooks when necessary and for students that have difficulty processing information, reading it themselves. They can read, but they don't comprehend as good, they can request that their child has't comprehend as good. They can request that their child has a person read the test to them and they answer the questions verbally.

Speaker 2:

So there's so many things that if parents only knew because they may worry about you know, my child won't be able. I know they're smart, but I know that they have to get their information a certain type of way. There are schools that will and colleges that will actually assist with that, and there are schools, if your child is very nervous about test taking, there are colleges that accept them in without an SAT, without the scores. Okay, there are so many different avenues and so many advantages that we have in now that we did not have 10, 20 years ago. Because people are more aware of all these different things that are happening now, they may not be as vocal with it at the colleges, yeah, and so I just want to tell them that, just in case they're feeling like, oh, I can't, and they have assistance, financial assistance for you, babe, ask the questions. My child got a full ride scholarship took a whole coding class $1,800. So I'm just saying ask questions, because no child left behind at is your best friend.

Speaker 1:

Perfect. Yeah, that's so true. You brought up a point about fear. Two questions what was your initial fear when he was about five, six years old? Now, let's fast.

Speaker 2:

My hardest fear when I first got the diagnosis was the same thing that I studied in school, that I knew that it was not logical, it wasn't rational. I was like, what did I do? Was it something that I didn't take? I did exactly what the textbook said. So my worstest fear was, like, what can I do to make sure that his life can be as full as possible? And I was afraid that I would mess up, afraid that I would mess up, especially when I decided to homeschool.

Speaker 2:

Okay, this is on me, and my fear now, actually my fear was will he be able to work at a job? Was will he be able to work at a job, you know, will it be a job that he can actually take care of himself? And yes, they are. You know, you just have to look for those specialty jobs. But that was then, and now I guess the next one would be him building a family. I think that would be my next one Like OK, because our community is so loving and sometimes the social aspect is not. You know, there are some people that take advantage of the kind hearted nature of our children.

Speaker 2:

Unfortunately, you are correct there is one of my fears, if I had to say it, because he is such a genuine person and, to be honest, there are some heartless, ruthless people in the world.

Speaker 1:

Unfortunately, that is so true. That's the fear of every parent, I'm afraid. You brought up a very interesting point. You questioned yourself what you did. Did you do everything right? That's what I've heard from just about every mother I've spoken with. They have to learn how to look in the mirror, realize that they didn't do anything wrong. Everything they did was right. The fact that they have a child that is autistic does not fall upon them. I think you're 100% correct. Do not blame yourself.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, because you do, and even though from an educational standpoint I knew it wasn't rational or logical, because it wasn't anything that I could have done to even cause this. But in my mind I'm like, what could I have done better? If it was, what is it that I missed? Because, as a parent, you just want your children to be whole, you want your children to be safe, you want them to just have the best of the best. But then I realized that autism wasn't a disadvantage. I felt it was a disadvantage because of all the stigma associated with it.

Speaker 2:

Because of all the stigma associated with it, I thank God for my son now, because he opened up a piece in me that I didn't know I had. I'm more empathetic. I see, looking through the lenses of his eyes and how he sees the world, how he comprehends the world. It just made me look at things differently and make me think, because his thought process is totally different from me and his sister and his father. So I would say, parents, you're not at a disadvantage, because I was the only parent in my friend circle at the time that had a child that was autistic. I often felt misunderstood, I felt judged, I felt belittled and I felt like I was being judged as a bad parent.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, unfortunately, I've heard that from so many. How do people find you?

Speaker 2:

Well, they can go to CTRhomeschoolingcom that is C, because I know I'm country that's C as in call, t as in Tom, r as in road homeschoolingcom. You can also see the TV show CTR Homeschooling TV on CTR Media Network, which streams on Amazon Fire TV, roku TV, android TV, ios app and Google Play and it's absolutely free for anyone to watch and you can look for that show up on the Homeschooling TV channel.

Speaker 1:

That's awesome. I really appreciate it. Is there one last thing that you'd like to leave us with?

Speaker 2:

I want you to look at your boy or your girl that has autism as a window into the heart of humanity. Our children have a sense to be able to see the world, experience the world in a way that so-called like normal people which we know the terminology can never experience. They feel different, they touch different, they experience different. I want you to take that time, observe your child. I took a whole year and just watch and observe my child how he looked at flowers and it also opened me up to be able to be so internally grateful that I have a child with autism. I guarantee that child going to change your life forever and make you a better person, because my baby made me a better person.

Speaker 1:

That's just so awesome. Well, this has been great Great conversation, great topics, great information. I really appreciate you coming on.

Speaker 2:

It's amazing because I have never heard of anyone doing a podcast on a topic that they're not naturally familiar with. Number one and number two to actually get people to come on that are familiar with the topic, which is a sensitive topic to speak about autism, to come on and feel comfortable. I have had several people ask me to come on about autism and various things and I'm like, no, but with you, I was like I'm coming on this show. I am coming on this show right here. So I mean, thank you for having me. I really enjoyed it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, me too. I really had a great time. Thanks again. Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to listen to our show today. We hope that you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed bringing it to you. If you know anyone that would like to tell us their story, send them to TonyMantorcom Contact then they can give us their information so one day they may be a guest on our show. One more thing we ask tell everyone everywhere about why Not Me, the world, the conversations we're having and the inspiration our guests give to everyone everywhere that you are not alone in this world. Bye,